Tags Posts tagged with "mom stuff"

mom stuff

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Yes. Aren’t you glad we live in a world where stores now offer Christmas ornaments in the shape of lady parts?! Because who wouldn’t want to adorn their tree with a vagina? I’m all for girl power, but definitely undecided when it comes to including “ya-yas” in my holiday decorating. If anything, I’m sure they make amazing conversation starters…or gifts.

 

 

Ahem.

You can purchase your own custom made felt vagina ornament complete with a jingle bell…. through the Etsy store Feltmelons. They come in different colors, and since each and every ornament is hand crafted, there will be slight variations in every ornament. Just like the real thing.

The ornaments are the brain child of Canadian, Suzanne McAleenan who operates her Etsy shop out of her home.

“Each ‘vaginament’ is my own design, and each is endearingly cut, assembled, and entirely stitched by hand in my dining room in Burlington, Ontario, Canada,” she writes.

“No vaginaments are exactly the same…it’s all part of their charm.”

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If ornaments like this are a MUST-have on your Christmas list this year, you might want to order them early since they are shipped from Canada.

Suzanne is currently trying to keep up with a massive amount of orders, but you can sign up through her store to receive updates when more are available.

You know, since it’s not likely these will be sold at Hobby Lobby any time soon…

 

 

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Every year when Summer break comes around, I find myself saying the same things over and over again to my kids… or to the kitchen wall (which I honestly believe is a better listener most days!) And sometimes I catch myself saying things I never imagined.  For example, “who left bacon on the toilet seat”? Either way, the things moms say are pretty funny, and chances are we can all relate to one another, especially during Summer break!  Does the list below ring a bell?

 

1. Why is this wet?

2. Who keeps leaving the back door open?

3. You JUST ate!!

4. Why are your shoes ALWAYS in the kitchen?

5. What’s that smell?

6. You need a nap! (wait, I say that one to myself)

7. When’s the last time you brushed your teeth?

8. You definitely need a bath tonight!

9. Where are all the cups?!

10. Who left the milk out?

11. Didn’t I just buy milk yesterday?

12. Where are all the clean towels?

13. Screen time is over.  (repeat three times)

14. Stop terrorizing the dog

15. Use your indoor voice

16. please remember to flush the toilet!

17. put your shoes on if you’re going outside!

18. Turn off the hose, you’re wasting water!

19. Where’s the sunscreen?

20. No, you can’t bring your bug collection into the house

21. No, we can’t adopt that stray cat

How about you?  I would love to hear the repeat phrases that other moms say during the summer!

 

 

 

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Showers. There are days you may not even recognize the word, because showers are a luxury and a gift from the heavens when you’re a mom – especially of young children. The idea of a shower sometimes brings a longing sigh to a mother’s lips with that look of “I use to know you long ago”… If by chance you ever get to throw some water on yourself, chances are you’ve had one of the experiences listed below.

 

 

 

 

1. The “No-one’s-home-I-can-take-as-long-as-I-want” shower

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We all know these are like hitting the mom lottery.  They are so rare in fact that I questioned even bringing them up. They hardly ever happen, and on the odd occasion when they do, you are in that shower until the water runs cold, mama. Contemplating life’s deep complexities, actually using the deep conditioning hair mask you bought for yourself last year, and maybe even shaving the full length of your leg are all activities we can only dream of when this type of shower presents itself to us.

 

2. The “get-wet-and-get-out” shower

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You are most likely a pro at this particular shower, because moms get to have them all the time (ahem, or at least twice a week).  It’s usually when you’ve got 5 minutes to freshen up before chaperoning your kid’s field trip, or a doctor’s appointment, or when guests are coming over for dinner….and maybe if you’re lucky enough to go on a date with your significant other. Because really, who has time to shower unless you actually have to smell nice?

 

3. The “Mom-needs-a-time-out” shower

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Sometimes this may not actually end up as a shower, but just sitting on the toilet for 20 minutes while you take deep breaths, cry, eat some chocolate, or take a nap….whether or not you actually end up in the shower doesn’t really matter.  Sometimes we just need to lock that bathroom door and escape to sanity-land.  Really, it’s for the better of mankind.

 

4. The “kill-two-birds-with-one-stone” shower

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“Heck, I’m already in here so I may as well wash the bathtub and shower while I’m at it!” Moms are pros at multi-tasking, and taking a shower is no different.  We’re in there washing the tile, organizing shampoo and conditioner bottles, making grocery lists, packing lunches and pondering how much longer we can get away without replacing the shower liner…

 

5. The “spectator-sport” shower

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Oh yes, we have fans.  And they love us SO MUCH that they can’t bare to be a part from us for 5 minutes! This is the shower when our children bring their toys into the bathroom, and ask us 50 questions while we’re washing our hair, begging us to “look at this, mommy!” as shampoo lather slides down our face and burns our eyeballs.  They open the shower curtain or bang on the glass, and they make no sense because we can’t hear them over the water. They get frustrated, they cry, and you’re forced to end your shower early because the toilet is over flowing… it’s really the very best kind of shower.

 

6. The “more-the-merrier” shower

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This is when baby won’t bathe unless they’re with you, toddler won’t let you shower alone, you’re trying to save water, or the kids are gone and you and husband want to save water “together”…

Whatever the reason, chances are if you’re a mom, you’ve experienced having to share your shower space with another human being.  If you’re multi-tasking shower mom, you may have even taken a stinky dog in there with you from time to time.  That’s how we roll.

 

7.  The “Celine-Dion-in-Vegas” shower

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It really doesn’t matter if you have a good singing voice or not, because between the loud water, and the amazing acoustics you have the voice of an angel when you shower, and you know it. Not every day is a Celine Dion day, but on the days when you’re feeling extra sassy, or singing at the top of your lungs is a good alternative to screaming at the kids (which never happens) – this kind of shower can be a miracle worker.

 

8. The “shower? What’s-a-shower?” shower

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For those of you moms who don’t know what a shower is at all, and live off of dry shampoo and layers of deodorant, we feel you, and we are praying for you.

 

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If you’re a mom, and you live in Colorado, this list of struggles may sound a little all too familiar…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1.  It’s May, but you’re not sure if you should send your child to school in a snow suit or a t-shirt.

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2.  Dodging pot holes while driving kids to school is like a game of Super Mario Bros. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose…

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3.  Out of town family never take you seriously when you warn them about the altitude…

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4.  You take your kids to the park where they breathe in fresh mountain air… and marijuana smoke.

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5.  Carpool may or may not involve stopping, swerving or taking pictures of elk or deer.

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6. School is canceled over 3 inches of snow… but when there’s an actual blizzard you’re expected to risk your life getting kids to school.

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7.  You know the look on a child’s face when they get licked by a giraffe. 

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8.  The first colors your baby learned were “blue and orange”

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9. One of your favorite family games is “who can pick up the most pine cones in the front yard”?

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10.  You’ve braved questionable Mexican food to take your kids to Casa Bonita.

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11. You’ve driven around running errands in a parka and flip flops…

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12.  You’re raising your children with views like this:

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Sometimes quotes have a way of lighting up that little mommy light in our head and we say “Bingo! They know exactly how I feel!” Some movie quotes over the years have actually done that for me.  I am a huge movie buff and it’s fun to sit down and relax, watch a movie, and relate to some these characters and their feelings on parenthood! Here are some fun ones we’ve come across, and I am willing to bet you can relate to them too!

 

 

 

 

“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?” – Three Men and a Baby (1987)

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“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.” – Look Who’s Talking (1989)

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SARABI: “Your son is awake”

MUFASA: “Before sunrise, he’s your son.”

-The Lion King (1994)

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“I love being the mother of a 2-year-old.  It’s like being a movie star in a world without critics!” – I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011)

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“Having somebody help you doesn’t mean that you fail, it just means that you’re not in it alone” – Life As We Know It (2010)

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“Everybody – just pretend to be normal!” – Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

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Do you have any favorite movie quotes about parenting?  We’d love to hear them! 

all images via Youtube

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With a new year upon us, it’s a great time to look at what’s working for us as moms, and what’s not. I am always thinking of ways to improve myself and my family. This usually happens late at night when I can’t sleep, or when I’m in the shower, or when the cat just threw up, I can’t find socks for anyone, and I just dropped my kids off at school 10 minutes late…

 

 

 

Sound familiar? Probably. Because as moms, we typically feel like hot messes more often than not. Why? Why do we always feel like we’re falling short? We are some of the hardest working people I know! The truth is, the fact that we do worry about being good moms means we already are good moms.  Let that sink in…

I am not a huge “resolution” maker, but I love how a new year feels like a clean slate.  It’s a chance to rewrite a few things if we feel so inspired to… and I like goals, I really do. However, I am also a realist and know that no matter how many times I write down that I am going to:

  • declutter my entire house
  • alphabetize my spices
  • master a 5 minute plank
  • do a new Pinterest project every week

It’s probably not going to happen.

This year, I decided it’s ok, because those things actually don’t define being a good mom.  Our kids actually don’t care how cute we are, how fit we are, and how Pinterest-y our homes and recipes look.  Imagine that.

So, my goals for this year are to focus on things I know my kids do care about, and to focus on ways to find more joy in the daily chaos of raising a family.  Here are 5 simple things we can do to bless our families, and ourselves. Some things I already implement and some things I plan on doing more of. I hope you’ll join me.

1. Spontaneous Hugging

When my kids were younger (they’re 8 through 16 now) it was so easy to give them lots of hugs because they climbed up into my lap all the time! Our days were full of hugs and cuddles. Now that they are all older and in school, those opportunities don’t come around as often. Just because they’re older doesn’t mean they don’t still need (and crave) that physical touch. I have had to actively make sure I’m squeezing hugs and physical touch into their day, and usually I will just be silly about it. The other day we were grocery shopping and my 13-year-old daughter gave me that “ugh mom, you’re so annoying” look and I grabbed her and gave her the biggest bear hug in the middle of the aisle. It was so spontaneous that we started laughing hysterically.  We got a few stares, but knowing she will have memories like that in her teen years is worth it.

2. Laugh With My Kids More

Life gets serious, we all know this.  We’ve got appointments, meetings, deadlines, homework, bills… the daily grind of life wears on us, and it can also wear on our kids. Don’t let it! I am a parent and a wife and an employee and a church leader, but I am also silly and fun and spontaneous and my kids see that side of me ALL the time, because I let them.  Ask any of my kids, and they will tell you I throw dance parties in the kitchen, sing at the top of my lungs in the car, and crack jokes relentlessly.  My 8-year-old son and I stayed up late last night taking selfies of ourselves, and we laughed so hard we cried. Those are the memories I want my kids to have.  I want them to see that despite the responsibilities of daily life, we can (and should) find JOY in any situation.

 

3. Create Regular Mini Traditions

Recently my son made a comment about how much he loves Christmas because it has a “cozy” feeling.  I thought about that and realized besides the true meaning of Christmas, it’s also likely because of the traditions we have as a family.  Putting up the tree, making gingerbread houses and cookies, listening to Christmas music, and playing games.  These are all things we do together, and because the kids expect them each year, it brings comfort to them and unity to our family. We can have that feeling all year by practicing mini-traditions, even if it’s as simple as Family Game Night on Mondays, or Taco Tuesdays! Give the kids something to look forward to on a regular basis that will also strengthen family relationships.

 

4. Point Out The Good Things

This is one thing I want to do more of this year.  Don’t underestimate how tough your child’s day can be, especially when they are at school.  They have peer pressure, deadlines, homework (and hormones) to deal with, and they are handling it all the best they can.  The last thing they need when they get home is more pressure, more criticism, more sarcasm, etc. There may be some days where you literally are their only cheerleader in life. Don’t take that role lightly.  When they achieve something, shout it from the rooftops! Tell them how awesome, amazing, honest, hardworking they are. Make them feel like they can conquer the world, and they will.

 

5. Be realistic

We’re going to have rough parenting days.  Days where we want to roll our eyes, yell at the kids, complain and whine about how hard it is to be a parent. Don’t let those days define you. Hug it out, talk it out and move on.  Vent to your friends, through social media, lock yourself in the closet with chocolate for 20 minutes and let it go. Continue on, and be grateful you have these little ones to share your life with. No one will ever love you as much as they love you.  Cherish it!

How about you? What resolutions can you make to add more joy to your relationship with your kids? Comment below! 

 

 

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Adele’s new single “Hello” has taken social media by storm, and along with it have come many comical parodies, but this one might take the cake because it hits home with moms in a hilarious way!

Singer/Songwriter Emily Mills clearly draws inspiration from her own mama experiences when she sings (“I must’ve tried a thousand times to tell her this homework is really breaking my heart”) and she reaches out to her mom friends when she says (“Mama, how you been? I can tell you’ve been stress-eating from the Cheetos on your hands”).  This parody will resonate with any mama out there, guaranteed.

So for all you moms calling out from the motherside, this one’s for you!!

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If you’re a parent, chances are you do the nightly bedtime routine tango with your kids. This is when all kids want to do is play, and all parents want to do is sleep!  It’s a winning combination. My kids will do anything and everything to stall bedtime!  Here are some popular stalling methods in our house. Can you relate?

 

 

 

 

1.  “I forgot to do my homework” They’ve had ALL evening, and you’re pretty sure they’ve completed all their assignments, but suddenly reading for 20 minutes becomes a life or death situation.

2.  “My leg/muscle/arm/knee cap hurts”  Some time between dinner and bed time, your child managed to engage in some strenuous injury that is making laying in bed physically impossible.

3. “I’m starving” This is the exact time of day they decide they actually want to eat a 5-course meal.

4. “I forgot to brush my teeth!” Suddenly, they turn in to 40-year-olds. Personal hygiene is super important, and what should take two minutes, takes ten … complete with gargling, flossing, making funny faces in the mirror, and going pee about five times.

5. “I feel sick” My tummy hurts, I feel dizzy or I have a headache are all excuses we’ve heard countless time.  Sorry kid, that’s all the more reason to lay down…

6. “Tell me a story” My 8-year-old son wants to hear my entire childhood history at 9 o’clock every night.

7. “I forgot to tell you something” This usually entails a minor detail (that they swear is super important) about his shoe coming untied during gym class, or a friend looked at him weird on the playground…

8. “You’re the best mom ever” My kids are really great at showering me with compliments right before bed.  They know a flattered mom is a lenient mom! (smart cookies)

9. “I can’t find my favorite stuffed animal” Never mind your child has an entire zoo of stuffed animals in their bedroom. They don’t want just any bear to sleep with.  Suddenly they want the stuffed pig that Aunt Louise gave them 4 years ago that they haven’t touched in 3 years…  No, the red one.

10. “I’m so uncomfortable” This usually means their bed has somehow become a rock over night, or their most comfy pajamas ever suddenly now feel like sandpaper, or their bedroom has instantly become as hot as the Amazon jungle or as cold as the North Pole. Oh, did you say the North Pole?  Let’s talk about Santa Claus…

What are some of the best excuses your child has given to stay up a little longer at bedtime?

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If you’re a mom with school aged kids, I am giving you a virtual high five right now, not only because you deserve it, but because you get it.  You get the chaos of what it means to physically get your humans dressed, fed, prepared, and out the door. Every. Week day. Morning. And if you haven’t experienced this miracle in your life yet, let me paint you the glamorous picture (at the risk of making you insanely jealous).

 

 

 

I am a mother of three.  One daughter is a Sophomore. My other daughter is in Middle School.  My son is in Elementary School.  Three different schools with start times of 7:40, 8:00 and 8:40 am.  I am pretty sure I have earned a medal for that fact alone. Like a gold one, with some diamonds and junk.

Every morning starts with my alarm going off: my high schooler barges into my room, very loudly exclaiming “Mom! It’s 7:10″!  This is my cue to jump out of bed and go to the bathroom before anyone else in the family monopolizes it. This is also where the mirror lovingly reminds me I only got 6 hours of sleep last night.  So, with pajamas on, bags under my eyes, remnants of yesterday’s mascara, and a hairstyle that would make Medusa cringe, I spend 5 minutes looking for my car keys while our 2 dogs and 3 cats beg for their morning meal (they’ll have to wait an hour).  My daughter frantically runs around…”does this look ok?” showing me her outfit choice for the day, as I gulp down a glass of water. “Yes, you look beautiful, as always”.  She grabs her violin, lunch and backpack, and I am still looking for my car keys. Eventually we make it to the car by 7:25, and drive the 15 minutes to her high school.

If any of you are in the vicinity of Doherty High School between 7:15 – 7:45 am on a week day morning, you have my heart felt empathy.  The stop lights are long, the lines are longer, and fuses are short. People honk at each other, flash the finger, stare at my messy hair, and shout expletives… it’s my not-so-happy place. Meanwhile, teenagers are running around everywhere, darting in front of your vehicle with no warning or explanation.

I just woke up 10 minutes ago, people! I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with these kinds of things. It’s like a bad game of Super Mario Bros. with no gold coins.

Somehow I get my daughter safely dropped off, and then it’s a mad dash back to the house, because remember? My 8-year-old starts school at 8, which is basically in 15 minutes!  Thankfully my husband has the task of waking up our son, which is no easy feat.  He’s basically a tiny Zombie in the morning.  I usually walk in with him laying on the couch in his underwear.  A half attempt at getting dressed, but not quite making it. I kid you not, in 10 minutes this boy is fed, dressed and reminded to use the bathroom. He’s quickly learned if he doesn’t eat his breakfast fast, the dogs will. While he does that, I scramble around the kitchen throwing his lunch together as well as his homework folder, papers, library books, forms, etc. With his eyes half open he brushes his teeth and hair, mutters how much he hates school, and he’s out the door with dad.  Thankfully Dad also has the task of getting him to school.  We literally live 6 houses away from the school. We literally also never make it to school on time.  I promise you, if his teacher realized how close we lived to the school she would shame me on Facebook like those dogs that wear signs saying they ate the shower curtain.

Speaking of dogs, this is also the time of day when my animals follow me around until I feed them.  All 5 of them. They trip me going up the stairs, they trip me coming down the stairs. (Yes, I’m a Saint in case you haven’t figured this out yet).  I open up fifty million cans of pet food and plop it in their bowls. Bon apetit.

My middle schooler is up by now and getting herself ready.  We rush around, usually asking each other where a phone charger is, and her asking me where a particular item of clothing is. I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off for the past hour and a half, and as I dig through laundry helping her to find what she’s looking for, I realize everyone has eaten but me, and everyone definitely looks much, much cuter than me.

We get packed up with a few minutes to spare, and it’s usually a 50/50 chance that I need gas or we won’t make it to the school. So we drive in the opposite direction of the school to get gas so we can make it to school… and I pump the gas in my pajamas. I’m trying really hard to start a trend.  Won’t you join me? Oh wait, if you’re a mom you started this trend a long time ago! *insert another high five*

On my way home, I listen to Johnjay and Rich on the radio, laugh a little, and things start to settle down.  There’s a great sigh of relief when I know my kids are all safe at school.  There’s a sense of accomplishment, and astounding wonder that we do this EVERY DAY.  And that I get to pick all three of them up from school and do it all over again in just 6 hours! And then we get to run around to activities and practices and try to eat dinner while juggling homework and not killing each other. Moms do hard things! Our day constantly revolves around our kids and their well being. Despite the embarrassment of driving around town in my pajamas and flip flops, and sometimes not having time to pee or eat, I am blessed to do it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

On those crazy days, I remember a little note my son folded up and gave me before school started this year. I keep it by my jewelry box.  It simply says “You are awsome”. It’s misspelled and it’s disheveled.  Kind of like me. Kind of like life.  But it’s absolutely perfect, because it came from him. Despite my imperfections and lack of grace on most days, he loves me just the way I am.

And then I get home, ready to eat some breakfast, shower, and start my work day, and I get the phone call…. “Mom, I forgot my lunch”.  And I’m still in my pajamas.