Everything is Bad for You, Here’s What to Do


Everything is bad for us and we should all be panicking.  It doesn’t matter what we eat, it is going to give us cancer, make us fat, and ultimately kill us. If you’ve been keeping an eye on the news this week you’ve probably seen some scary warnings about bacon, red meat, and fingernail polish.






The bottles we drink out of have chemicals we can’t pronounce and will result in our unborn children being born with three legs.  We can’t paint our nails because the polish has a chemical in it that makes us fat and can cause hormone problems.

The World Health Organization just released findings that bacon, ham, processed meats are all off the plate because they cause colon cancer. For good measure, they threw in that red meat probably causes cancer, so you shouldn’t eat that either. You can’t eat hot dogs because they have human DNA in them.

Of course we’ve always known that vegetables are sprayed with insecticides and that can lead to all kinds of problems. They don’t mention that you can rinse well and enjoy your apples and lettuce.

Escalators injure over 4,500 people every year, so just take the stairs. Don’t drive anywhere because all those people who text and drive are killing about 6,000 people a year. Is there no safe place?

You probably thought of your bedroom, right? WRONG! People falling out of beds account for about 1.8 million ER visits every year.

Maybe you can just head to the nearest park and enjoy some play time with your kid. Nope, playground-related injuries for children 14 and younger send more than 200,000 kids to the ER every year.

Honestly, pretty much anything can kill you, injure you, or cause some kind of disease. The very act of doing nothing (sedentary lifestyle) can lead to illness and death.  Just use your best judgement, remember “everything in moderation,” and wear a helmet. You’re pretty smart and you’ve made it this far in life, don’t stress about all the potential dangers in life, that causes cancer.


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